Confessions of a Housewife

Another Try & No Promises

2011-05-11T14:11:00.002-05:00

So many times I have tried to be active with this blog, but I am so fixated on 'inconceivable!', that the rest of my life seems to fall by the wayside. However, as I've said before, my life "isn't about the 'isn't'"! My life isn't just about NOT being able to concieve, and I'm learning to focus on other aspects of life... as boring and as mundane as some of it may be. This blog isn't for the readers, it's for me, and you are welcome to jump on and read if you wish... but there are no promises this blog will be a 'page-turner' so to speak, and there are no promises that I will update frequently... like I said, this blog is for me. This blog is to focus on what IS my life.

... even if I just blog about the laundry in the dryer.

... which there is right now, that I need to fold.

... but I will fold later, and blog about some other 'others' in my life right now.

My friend Leah and I seem to be going through the same season, and her blog 'The Whitaker's Window', shows her account of it. She calls it THE GREAT REORGANIZATION. Now I haven't given my haul a name, but I figure it's a good enough one to steal. ;) I've always dreamed of a home completely organized, ready to find any random belonging in just a moment... but I've never gotten to that place... or even close to it to be honest.

However, I'm needing something to take my 'baby focus' and turn it into something fitting for my season of life... thus, now is the time for the 'baby focus' to be 'SUPERhousewife focus'. Step One: Organizing the Home!

Walter and I leave for vacation in less than 9 days and I have been slowly chipping away the craziness of the home. The first step began quite a few weeks ago when I scoured the entire home in search of clutter, old treasures, and items I no longer needed or used for our yard sale. The yard sale was finally able to take place (after so much rain) April 29th and 30th and I was able to clear a lot of my home. My home somehow felt 'lighter' to even. I also received many donations to sell, and I was able to earn almost $500! It was great not only to earn much-needed cash, but to feel the empty spaces.

Then, this week started the organizing. I figured one day per room was needed, along with the many other to do's each day brings.

May 9th (Monday) I cleaned out and organized all of the kitchen cabinets. I've been wanting to move things around for awhile now, and I finally did it. I wish I would have taken 'Before' pictures, but 'After' pictures will be posted soon! I also scrubbed everything! Abi helped out by scrubbing the bathroom. There's not much to our tiny bathroom, but she did a great job cleaning. I went through the cabinets and tried to give her some space of her own in there to thank her. :) Abi and I also ran some errands together: We donated clothing to Goodwill, picked up my pottery pieces at Pottery Hollow (for Belle's birthday and Mother's Day), picked up a special birthday treat for Belle, etc.

May 10th (Tuesday) was the day I tackled the office. I wasn't able to finish it since that room is certainly our 'catch all' room, but I re-organized the closet and intend to keep hacking away at it! :)

Today I had to drive Abi around to pick up job applications, and I took time writing this blog, but soon I intend to finish the office while Abi cuts grass. I also would love to work on mine and Walter's bedroom and finish that before the day ends. I need to be making a list of projects in each room that I can slowly tackle after vacation... although I may be working full time then. We shall see!

(If you haven't figured it out yet, Abi lives with us. She's a friend's little sister out trying to make it 'on her own' and we've decided to provide a home for her.)

Wish me luck...

Week of March 13th-19th

2011-03-16T19:57:00.001-06:00

I do not keep track on Sundays, for that is my day of rest, and I have a day off the days Walter does.

SUNDAY 3/13:
day of rest

MONDAY 3/14:
Child care for 2 hrs
Ran errands for 2 hrs
Housecleaning for 1hr

TUESDAY 3/15:
day off - doctor's appointment

WEDNESDAY 3/16:
Child care for 2 hrs
Housecleaning for 1 hr
Child care for 6hrs

THURSDAY 3/17:
Child care for 7 hrs
Housecleaning for 1hr
Child care for 2 hrs
Housecleaning for 2 hrs
Child care for 6 hrs

FRIDAY 3/18:
Child care for 8 hrs

SATURDAY 3/19:
day off

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Goal: 8 Hour Workday

2011-03-12T16:13:00.004-06:00

All too often I find my mind racing, yet my body is exhausted and firmly planted in place. The 'excuses' are endless: the weight I've gained with fertility treatments, my failed pregnancy a few months ago, the depression... but I'm done having these past struggles also stain my future. So, after reading a friend's blog and grabbing inspiration from her, I've decided to mimic a goal she is challenging herself.
Like me, through medical problems she struggles to be productive some days but no longer wants to be held back. Also like myself, she is a housewife (which is truly a blessing, but is also something that enables my hopelessness and procrastination), and has decided to slowly start climbing to 'working' 8 hours a day. In the future, I hope to have my day divided into three categories: Crafting, Working, and Exercising.
Crafting will count for 0.5 time, and exercising with count for double time. Crafting will include: craft projects around the home, decorating, scrapbooking, blogging, making gifts and items to sell, etc. Exercising will include: walking the dog, Wii fit, workout videos, etc. Working includes: hosting Thirty-One/Mary Kay parties or making calls, housecleaning, watching children, gardening or other outside work, or any other moneymaking opportunity.
I am not holding myself to blogging about my workday every day, but every now and then a check-up will need to be done. I am thinking once or twice a week- most likely at the beginning of the week for my hopes, and the end of the week for my outcome.
Because it was her idea, I'm also going to be stealing a line from her blog that I LOVED and that I wanted to include in my challenge as well...
"I want to make the point in having you all read this blog very very clear: I need my husband to be my completely and totally understanding support right now. Which means I need you to be my firm and strong support. If you think I'm justifying too much to get out of stuff, TELL ME."

Why is this challenge important to me?
1) My husband is a good man. He gets out of bed (even when he doesn't want to), to get dressed and go to a job (he doesn't always like) to come home and be my support and my sunshine (even when he doesn't feel like it) who brightens my day and brings hope to the future for our family. I want to do this for him.
2) Because SOMEDAY we will have children in our home! AND instead of moping arounf waiting for them, I am going to be productive and be ready for them!
(You never know what may happen when you're TTC! A friend of mine who decided adoption was match within 21 days of applying at a private adoption agency! TWENTY ONE DAYS!)
3) I want to be a Proverbs 31 wife. That means more than just being a Christian woman who is married!

So those of you out there who are reading. Keep me accountable. This begins today!

03/12/11
10AM-2PM Babysitting and caring for two young girls.
3:30-4:30PM Blogging on 'Confessions'
4:30-5PM Housecleaning (Straightening up bathroom and kitchen)
5:15-5:30PM Dropping off a Thirty-One delivery
6PM-10PM Caring for two pre-teens.

Neglected

2011-03-11T17:24:00.003-06:00

This blog always gets neglected when I'm trying to stay on top of inconceivable!, and for that, I apologize.
After deciding to update today, and beating myself up a little over not blogging here lately, something epiphany-esque hit me... There are so many times in my life I sing the same old some of being the 'poor woman who struggling to conceive' and sometimes I don't pay attention to the wife/friend/woman I SHOULD be! Other than this being unfair to the one I love the most, what does that say about myself? I don't want to be negatice; I don't want to be more concerned with the question of "Where am I?" other than, "Where am I going?".
So... where am I going?

Quick Blog (Then back to work!)

2011-01-14T17:49:00.006-06:00

My husband went back to work today after a three day vacation at home, and I have been slowly but forcibly chipping away at the decluttering/organizing/decorating block here at the home. I took a quick break to recap the goals I wanted to finish for today and google images for inspiration of future projects. I came up with the following thus far:

An organized office would for sure get me more hours of sleep at night, but this room will definitely be saved for last. This is my biggest problem area of the house. I have NO idea how to organize an office. Any thoughts or anyone with office-organizing skills out there for hire? For real.

This dining room is beautiful. I think I need to add some more texture to our dining room, and maybe a little more variety of color. I also would like to get new, (and more sturdy!) dining room chairs.

I am in love with this room. It appears to be so elegant.

I am needing something with "umph" in the living room. Our living room is crying for something with a BOLD pattern, or an interesting sculpture, or maybe an interesting bookcase like this one. Something that will be a conversation starter and something that will make the room POP.

This is a very classy living room I adore. I will also be looking for a single, very sleek, chair like the one on the right in the photo for my own living room after getting rid of a very clunky chaise my husband had when we moved in. We're slowly upgrading the "it will do" items in our home we had when we moved in and owned nothing for items we both love and that are functional.

One thing we do not need more of is dishes. However, after getting a new set I am retiring a set of dishes that I really do have a sentimental spot for, and am looking for a fun way to display them as art now. Does anyone have any good ideas on how to decorate your walls with retired dishes?

I have two lanterns like this that I'm really considering hanging in our bedroom, but I'm wondering is it too pre-teen of a look? Our room and the lanterns are lavender.

This will be my next simple, crafty project. I'm really looking forward to purchasing some glass vases (or possibly find some around here or at thrift stores)and decorating them with some cheap candles and non-perishable food for our kitchen! Coffee beans are definitely at the top of my list. I'm also thinking cinnamon sticks. Do you know of any other food items that would look great?

Resolution #11

2011-01-09T12:46:00.006-06:00

Resolution #11 : To get my home exactly the way I want it.

I wanted to post some pictures of my home, and some projects I've been working on.
With a final home study for fostering coming up this week I have an overwhelming amount of work to do, yet I needed to start it off this week by blogging about it all. I am hoping to get some ideas from the pictures (I'm SUCH a visual person), capture photos of the 'halfway' stage, and hopefully get some ideas from y'all.

Unfortunately things always (well at least with me, what about you?) get worse before they get better and the house is overly organized in some spaces with a big ol' heapy mess in others. I will not be ashamed (well, maybe I'll just play it off that I'm not) because I know in a week or so I will be posting 'after' pictures that will blow both our minds (I'm hoping hoping hoping!)!

Some places I've worked on that I really enjoy:

Hard to see, but this is a windowsill in our bathroom that I really love.

Have been wanting a board like this for our lists on the fridge for awhile now. Love how something so small can make a big difference.

I de-cluttered this serving station that needed it so bad. It was PACKED a few days ago.

This is the 'launch pad' I created in our living room closet. It's nice to have a bin for each of our shoes and a place to put my purse and mail that we can hide.

My husband decided to put this picture here awhile ago and I LOVE here about the entryway from living room to dining room.

Movies sorted into bins so it's easy to find a romantic movie or comedy. Also saves space as well!

My mom found this shelf at a yard sale for $4, and we stained it and hung a light from it. I love using it to store our cereals VS the top of the fridge.

LOVE the vines and grapes in the hallway above the bathroom door. Ties in the kitchen to the living room.

Some places really needing some help:

This fan kills me. You can't see it, but there's a huge pink flower on the globe. I'm not wanting anything spectacular. Considering spray painting the blades and finding a new globe.

Our office (specifically our office desk) needs some dire organizational help.

I painted this ceiling with a process that needed like 6 coats, when I replaced the light the white ceiling is peeking through. I'm pretty sure I'll never get it to match, so I bought a decorate piece that goes around it. Need to paint it, and take down the light to put it up.

I need some fake flowers or something to go about the shelf. Our ceilings are so high I would like something decorative here and this little pathetic thing is NOT working.

I got rid of a big chunky chaise here, and am now looking for a sleek chair and floor lamp to fill this corner. Must also hang new picture.

Like I said, the office is A MESS. I want to get rid of 90% of this stuff here. Help!

2011 is a Different Year

2011-01-07T09:11:00.001-06:00

I promised a list of my New Year's Resolutions! :) Walter and I always make 13 and work on them throughout the year, so here goes:

1. Invite 10 people to church and see them attend.
Sometimes I get stuck on the routine of waking up, going to church, coming back and not saying a word about how AWESOME the service was! I would really like to share the blessing I have of a church I adore!

2. Loose weight and weigh 180lbs.
Instead of just the usual 'loose weight' or 'be thin' I'm decided to set a smaller goal of an actual weight I would like to be. Would I like to be 180 forever? No. But it's a great starting point and I wouldn't mind getting there! :)

3. Read at least one book a month and blog about it.
I love to read, but sometimes I let life pass me by and I don't make a good enough effort to take the time to read. One book a month is small, but it's a fair start as well.

4. Organize a family routine and budget.
Preparing for little ones in our life and hoping to make our lives a little more consistent, this is a VERY important resolution. The most important one to me. Prayer, hard work, and commitment I'm hoping for on this one!

5. Have a child in our home through foster care, pregnancy, or adoption.
I'm done just WANTING to be a mommy to a little one here on Earth! It's possible, I just need to devote myself to DOING it more than PINING for it. Walter and I are going to work harder at preparing our home for foster care and checking the requirements off more quickly. As for getting pregnant again, we'll do what it takes- even if that includes IVF this year.

6. Blog Date Nights with my husband.
Again, life passes by so quickly I sometimes let the super-sweet things my husband does or plans for me. I want to blog and remember them! :) Also, sometimes we get lazy with our planning, and I would like to blog to keep myself accountable to spontaneity and being creative!

7. Get $1,500-$2,000 in savings.
We want to NO longer be the 97% of America (that's a real statistic!) who live paycheck-to-paycheck! A little nest egg needs to be taken care of immediately.

8. Take vitamins daily.
I would like to get in the habit of taking vitamins daily to be more healthy and to be more prepared for another possible pregnancy.

9. Get another tattoo of something meaningful.
Before we lost our little one, I had this one down just because I was itching to get a new beautiful tattoo done, but I wanted it to be something that mattered. Now, my plan is to add a baby butterfly by my first tattoo- a butterfly I got in memory of my grandmother when she passed away. I believe she is taking care of my little one for me, just like she did me!

10. Lower my soda intake.
When I tried to give up soda, I felt like I was dying! I want to be able to whittle it down to something I don't NEED to have multiple times a day, and instead be a treat on a rare occasion.

11. Get my home exactly the way I want it.
My plan is to declutter, decorate, and make some tough choices. I'm ready to make my home my santuary, that works just the way my family needs it to be. I have a list and when I run across a problem or pitfall, I'll decide why and change it. (Ex: Can't find jeans. Why? Clothes scattered on the floor, laundry not finished. Solution: Buy necessary hangers, organize closet to find jeans easily, work out a laundry schedule and make sure my laundry area works smoothly.)

12. Be more consistent with my daily devotionals.
I'm so hit-or-miss. I want to pray through pain, through joy, and through my wanting to question Him.

13. Spend more time with our dog.
I've spent time being frustrated with her, but in the end she's not going anywhere and she's part of the family! I need to treat her like so! Walks, training her, etc.

There they are! A challenge, but all good. My husband sent me his as well, and I LOVE them as well!

Walter's are the following, in his words:
1. Recommit my life entirely to Christ, and get in line with His step

2. Commit to a daily devotional (personal and with Jen)

3. Make more decisions based on the way the Bible says to live life and be more firm in them

4. Help out more around the house both with chores and starting to do the home maintenance better

5. Take better care of the cars (maintenance and cleanliness)

6. Be a better daddy for my Belle

7. Read more often and make it into my new hobby (give up on parkour...FOR NOW)

8. Stay on top of bills and all other aspects of finances (more organized and start saving money)

9. Be completely serious about date nights NO EXCEPTIONS!! (unless there is a good reason)

10. Journal more frequently

11. Find and maintain an accountability partner

12. Make a better attempt at connecting with family and friends (Invest in those I want in my life)

13. LOVE... have a deeper appreciation for life and everything that goes with it including keeping a positive attitude and constantly trying to better myself

The Housewife Lobe of the Brain

2011-01-06T16:30:00.005-06:00

My mind has been full of 'Oooo! I should blog about [insert fun event here]', and 'Please God, don't let me forget to blog about [insert forgotten unforgettable feeling here]', and lastly '[Everyday moment worth gold] would be a good thing to mention in my new re-vamped blog!'... but instead my body has been running in one thousand different directions and my mind is asleep by time my body finally gets to rest. So this particular entry is going to be almost a literal chunk from my housewife brain. Lots of random topics, all being planned and coordinated at once. :)

1) Walter and I had our first Date Night of 2011 last night. He had to work a little overtime, but when he got home he changed and we went out to Olive Garden to use up a gift card we received for Christmas. Being low on money, and starting to ease towards a diet, our goal was to spend UNDER the gift card and not spend a dime on the meal at all. Walter got the soup, salad, and bread sticks deal and I got the spinach-artichoke dip with the salad and bread sticks as well (of course!). It was a great night of talking, and people-watching, and was fun to 'stick to a budget' per say. Lord knows we need to do this is all the areas of our life... With the meal winding up being $2 (we couldn't leave just a 10% tip, with me being a past waitress and all) it was a nice night out. Afterwards, we went to Home Depot to get the final price of what our dryer will cost. We were given a new washer from my parents for a Christmas gift, because our washer was pulling clothes too far down and making little holes in all of our favorites pieces! Talk about frustrating! It was SUCH a nice gift to get and I was thrilled (funny the items we get excited about now, I am officially old...)! When my family heard this, they all started chipping in gift cards to Home Depot for their Christmas gifts! The dryer is about $550 and we have $350 in gift cards! The dryer will soon be ours and I can't wait to dread using our NEW one for doing laundry vs our old one... lol just kidding. I need an excuse to be excited to do a little laundry!

2) I'm reading a new book that Walter kind of suggested. While I was away on a mission trip in Mexico he stumbled across the book, 'Every Man, God's Man' by Stephen Arterburn and really enjoyed reading it. He's really interested in the 'Every Man' Series now, so I decided to pick up 'Every Woman's Battle' for myself and 'Every Man's Challenge' for him with he gift card I received from my brother and his family for my birthday! (Thanks Tim, Valerie, Michael, and Killian!!!) The book is reading really fast, and I am enjoying it. I am also realizing that I am actually 'unfaithful' to my husband. I know it's odd to read, and hard for me to even admit... thus the quotes to help a bit... however, the book is all about how women struggle with lusting after other men. While I didn't think this was ever an issue, I am realizing I do tease about being 'in love' with 'super hot' actors and I do compare him to others husbands from time to time. While I don't mean bad by it, I do catch myself saying '[blank]'s husband buys her flowers' and 'you would never [blank] say that about his wife!' I just want to cut all that crud out. My husband is unique and a true Godsent to me, and I am beyond blessed to have HIM and not whoever [blank] is! Check it out. Good read so far. (However, prepare for some nudges from the holy spirit if you choose to do so!)

3) I've been working on my weight lately, but I'm trying to ease into it. If I go all die-hard like always I'm sure to get burnt out quickly like always as well. This week I'm taking to make better choices when it comes to meals and start cutting back on all the soda I drink. Next week I'm going to get a little tougher and so on and so on. I'm planning to ease into a detox and weight loss plan from Arbonne's Figure 8 Detox and such. Basically shakes for breakfast and lunch, and dinner contains no caffeine, no gluten, no alcohol, no nitrates (sweetener, soy, vinegar...), no dairy, no sugar or honey, etc. What's left? You tell me! :) No really, things like chicken breast, brown rice, vegetables/fruits, nuts, etc. Not only do I want to loose weight I just want to GET HEALTHY! Who knows what all the fertility drugs and hormones have done to my body! *rolls eyes* I'm taking the next few months to get feeling good and wouldn't mind loosing at least 30lbs along the way. Some goals are: to decrease soda intake til it becomes a rare treat, loosing 15lbs by the end of January, 30lbs by the 1st of April, and so on... I'm sure there will be more to this later.

4) I'm itching to do something fun and crafty. Does anyone have some fun ideas on where I can get some easy and fun crafts to do? I need to stretch my imagination and creativity a bit, it's been a little while since I've done anything of the sort and I feel it being harder. I'm challenging myself to do SOMETHING semi artsy craftsy by next week!

5) This week I've really gotten back in touch with some amazing women I've missed over the last month of hiding. Tuesday I spent chatting with Sarah, Wednesday I had lunch with Rachel, Thursday I had breakfast with Connie AND then lunch with Jamie, and tomorrow I plan to have lunch with Leah (who has an amazing new blog I am now addicted to!) and pedicures back with Connie. I feel very blessed to have each of these women in my life, whatever role they play, I can definitely say they've all been influential to me!!! Thank you ladies!

6) Speaking of blessings, I am feeling more and more blessed to be involved with selling Thirty-One. I really enjoy every minute of it. I love connecting with women, the thrill of booking a party and having a great night ahead, and I don't even need to mention the products!! The new Spring line is coming out soon and I am IN LOVE with some of the new products, patterns, and specials! I don't intend this to be a plug, really, I'm just serious about loving this 'job'! However if you are interested you can find products here. The special this month and next are AMAZING! Thermal totes on sale and spend $31 and get 31% off an item! I'm my own best customer!

I am really excited for this year. The 'newness' has not warn off, and neither has the hopefulness a new year always brings. I feel really confident about this year. "This year is going to be MY year!" I claimed on facebook and I still stand by it. Speaking of which, something else I wanted to add was New Year's Resolutions, which I will post later tonight. I love setting goals and working towards them, (especially checking them off!) and I try to update my 43Things account frequently. Follow my current everyday goals and long term goals if you are interested. :) But for now, my husband just got home and I need to snuggle up to him! It's hard to be apart from him all day, and I want to take every opportunity to be with him as possible. Especially since today I re-found an amazing cute poem he wrote me over three years ago on facebook. Love that man!

Cleaned up & Ready for new life

2011-01-05T15:48:00.002-06:00

...in more ways than one I've cleaned up and am ready to go out and live life.
1) I've pulled myself out of a funk this morning, and literally cleaned myself up, got feeling cute and am ready for Date Night tonight with my husband.
2) I've scanned the blog, deleted some useless posts and got it ready to be filled with many entires 2011 will bring. I am excited to post about our Date Nights and some other great ideas I have brewing...

If you're reading this, please say a quick prayer for this blog. I really need to feel like my life is more than TTC sometimes, and I'm holding some hope in this blog to help me find what those things are.

My life just isn't about the "isn't"

2010-11-22T08:35:00.003-06:00

I know I've said this before, but I'm upset I haven't been the best at keeping this blog current. I've been busy staying up-to-date on inconceivable, but I've realized today that while I love getting my feelings and thoughts out there about our TTC struggle, that the blog is mostly about what my life is NOT at the moment. What about what my life IS about? My life just isn't about the isn't and the do-not-have's.

So! While I'll still keep inconceivable up-to-date, it's time to spend MORE time working on the blog about what my life is! Such as... you know, my life has been about TTC for awhile now, it may take me awhile to get back into the groove on what like if otherwise...

My friend Leah is doing a Dare to DIY portion of her blog that I plan to steal.
Maybe I can do the 30 day blog dare she did beforehand? I tried to create a new blog for my husband and I, but that didn't work. lol. TOO many blogs, and he's just not all that interested. Maybe I'll still share some of his answers during my 30 days, and maybe not. :)

Do you have any other blog ideas?

New Commitment

2010-10-17T12:11:00.002-05:00

I want to be a better housewife. How many times have I said this? More than a thousand, I'm sure. However, I've never really come up with a plan to do so in my own way. Sure, I've watched other women do things and be 'better' than I am. And yes, I've wished and prayed to want to be that way too. But let's be honest. Just because I AM a housewife doesn't mean I AM June Cleaver, right? Right. My last two years of being a housewife has taught me that, if anything!

So... what's my plan?

First, what do I believe makes a good housewife? First let's look at Scripture at the Wife of Noble Character....

*work with eager hands, works vigorously

*provides food for her family

*invests wisely, profitable

*rises early, and works until late

*opens her arms to the poor

*nicely dressed

*full of strength and dignity

*can laugh at the days to come, does not worry*speaks with wisdom with faithful instruction

*watches over the affairs of her household

*productive

*trustworthy

*diligent in homemaking

*prepared

*respectful of her husband

*encourager

*kind

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Whew! I need to get organizing on a good plan!

I Do... Again and Again and Again

2010-06-09T08:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I know it has been over a month since I've posted, and that I haven't been a very diligent blogger... but all that is going to change now that I have a smartphone! I love being to blog the instant the urge hits, wherever I am, at whatever time. I swear this phone is amazing, just wish it was easier to make calls on it! Haha.
ANYways! Speaking pf blogging, I created a new blog about the life of "trying" to get pregnant, and hopefully getting there someday soon, or adopting, or fostering...etc. Check it out! www.blogger.com/theinconceivablehousewife
Okay, NOW to the real issue at hand for this blog! This Sunday will be the one year anniversary of the second-best decision I have ever made! ...yes, we have been married for ONE YEAR this Sunday! So crazy to see how time is flown and to see how we have changed, and at the same time, how we haven't changed at all. Overall, marriage has been an amazing blessing... even when there were times I didn't think it was.
So, as we promised and committed to each other, we will be renewing our vows every year- taking turns planning out a fun way to do so. This year I am doing it! :) For the first time, I am thankful my husband doesn't read my blog! I am able to share my thoughts and ideas and what we are doing for this weekend!
First off, it will be at midnight... the first few moments of june 13th... and it will be held in a local cemetary (you will read why later). I still need to decide on a cemetary.
Unfortunately, Walter and I both used the worst word in the world a few times during moments of anger over the past year. My plan is to craft a tiny casket with the word "DIVORCE" in it. I will be vowing to him never to use the word again and burying the casket.
I asked my friend Adam to see if he is willing to record our vows again, and I think he is down for it! We have such amazing people in our lives!
Walter will get to have his mohawk for our wedding, and I will get to wear darker makeup... and it will just be our style. Friends will be invited, but I am betting no one will attend the odd time! Haha. Either way...
The colors will be black and purple.
I would like to do a unity sand art with black, purple, and grey. Need to pick up sand and votive.
Would like someone to be there for a witness again. Would like to sign another "marriage license".
Will defrost our cake again and maybe have a few other finger foods if anyone attends.
Wanted to loose weight and fit into this sexy black dress I bought last year and have never worn. Well, that never happenened... so I need to figure out what walter and I will wear. Maybe my black cocktail dress? ...something in which Walter will be able to wear his black and silver shirt with skull tie.
Praying and praying and praying for this weekend. God has truly blessed me with an amazing husband!
Later on our anniversary I will have to leave for Bigstuf for church. I feel slightly guilty about leaving him, but I know mu wonderful husband understands. It is for good.
I want out marriage and vow renewal to bless God... even if it is a strange style. Not many people may get our style, but we get each other, and God gets us... and that's all I need.
Come What May.

Want Vs Doing

2010-05-07T10:50:00.004-05:00

Walter and I have been moving like crazy around here lately. I started spring cleaning, and right now the home seems to be worse than when I started. I know it's on the road to recovery, I just am getting a bit discrouaged. Garage sale next Saturday! So excited to get rid of some of the treasures I do not need or have room for.

The Spring cleaning motivation was triggered by 2 major events that happened this week. 1) We had our home re-appraised today to re-finance! 2) We had our first interview on Wednesday (Cinco de Mayo!) to become foster parents! I'm so excited about this, and yet so nervous. We're growing as we go through the process, but I know I need to get the family of Walter, Belle, Nooma, and I consistant before we offically add someone else- especially if that someone else needs extra love and consistancy! Still, I can't help but dream of being a mom in every passing moment. Most mothers, sadly, have no true idea of the blessing they've been given.

I have so much I WANT to do, when I just need to get up and DO it! Anything is possible; I need to go out and GET what I want! I need to stop dreaming of being a mom when I can foster. I need to stop groaning over being overweight, and just loose the weight! I need to stop complaining the house is a mess, and just FIX it! I need to stop crying about my marriage, when I have the love to change it!

As for all that, I'm getting off the computer now. I'm going to go and get what I want.

10 Photos On Your Walls

2010-02-06T11:59:00.004-06:00

As a nanny, I'm invited into many homes. There is a trend I've been noticing that I think is very sad. As couples have more children, their wedding pictures come down and their lives become consumed with their kids. Don't get me wrong, children are one of God's greatest blessings... but so is marriage, and so is the spouse he gave you. As trivial as it seems, I think there are 10 photos everyone should have on their entry level of their home. Not all the photos may apply to you, but it is a collection worth collecting. :)

1) Your wedding photo of ONLY you and your spouse.

Having a photo of your bridal party could lead to a mistake. True, they were your closest buds at a time, but times change.

2) A photo from when first met your spouse.

This is my favorite! Nothing encourages more love than seeing that your spouse choose you during an awkward stage, or to see how much you have changed and how your love has not.

3) A photo with ALL of your children in one shot.

No matter how many children you have (the more, the harder) getting all the kids in one shot, smiling and happy, is a true feat to be cherished forever.

4) A photo from moving-in day.

When the faucet leaks and the walls crack, you'll still be reminded why you love this place.

5) A photo with any pets you have, when they were still small.

As annoying as your dog can get, seeing her as a puppy reminds me of all the life we've lived together.

6) Your engagement photo.

Where your story begins. Usually one of the first things you do during the engagement process, and usually the part with the most joy and excitement (before things gets so rushed).

7) A maternity photo of your first pregnancy.

Contrary to popular belief, this photo does not have to be bare skin and does NOT have to be just shoved in the bedroom. Be tasteful.

8) A photo of the couple, or family, on vacation.

This will encourage you to remember the times where life is less rushed, AND encourage you to save up and go on another vacation again soon!

9) A photo of both sets of parents.

It bothers me when this picture goes up after they've passed. Parents need to see you love and appreciate them now, not just when they've passed on.

10) A photo of you and your first home (or apartment) with your spouse.

To see how God has blessed you, and to remind you where you've come from.

Apologies and Thin Mints

2010-01-09T15:53:00.005-06:00

There is no link to this post... There are no pictures. Just apologies. I have been away from blogging since just after the wedding because... well let's be honest here, because being a housewife if hard! I have had no time to do just about anything, and the few moments things calm down and I am content... I wind up housecleaning. Boo. Want a quick way to chase away your smile? Do a load of laundry. Annnd then realize there's about 10 more loads you don't have the energy to do.
Walter and I have almost been married for 7 months now. Does that seem right? Married life has flown by in just a few blinks it seems like. We recently celebrated our first married Christmas together, and the New Year has brought in so many wonderful ideas and also so many things we want to improve on. Hah. Unfortunately I say this to you as I chow down a sleeve of Thin Mints. Yes, the sleeve is almost gone. The 1st of the year I quit smoking. I've slipped twice since then, but I'm not letting it get me down. This time it's for good. Also, about a week ago I went on a slimfast meal plan. I figured I can either be miserable for 6 months kicking the habit, and then miserable for another 6 months loosing the weight I want... or I can just be really miserable for 6 months and do both.
So, I'm guessing you're now confused about the thin mints. Well, even though I choose extreme miserable for 6 months... today I could not. I've been dieting so well for the last week. The slimfast power shakes have been amazing to me. I diet and eat about nothing, and still get that wonderful taste of chocolate! Mmmm. I could never give that up. *sigh* However today has been one odd incident after another that has made me think this box of Thin Mints and I were destined to spend the day together. Walter's car heater is broken, so he asked to take my car to work today. Fine. But I also didn't realize he had drank the last of the milk. Hence, a morning with no chocolate slimfast breakfast. I munched on the appriopiate crackers and fruit that my meal plan had called for... but then another suprise came. The suprise that most get monthly, but I'm thankful to ever have at all... usually. Usually I am thrilled to be visited by that visitor, and I know it sounds crazy but when you've put your body through what I have you just get excited that you're not broken anymore. However, it is sparatic and very rare. When the visit does come, I am destined to be a crab and a couch potato. So, I needed something sweet. Wheat Thins and bananas weren't cutting it!!!
I was such a smart housewife. When Walter and I got serious after the New Year to loose weight I was going to get tough! I tossed out all the food we owned! It wasn't much- we had been delying grocery shopping for awhile. But- all those fatty odds and ends that screamed "eat me" where out of here! Goodbye Halloween candy, and Christmas coco, and New Years Eve pasta and cheesecake! Whew. It was such a relief!
...Until today. My mind was screaming, "CHOCOLATE! YOU NEED IT! DON'T DENY IT, DON'T RESIST IT, YOU NEED IT!" So I scoured all over the kitchen- pausing for only a moment to admire our new fridge that was delivered yesterday- looking for something sweet. I was so angry at myself for throwing away ALL the secret stash! My mind had flipped drastically it seems. Wait!
I saw a corner of a green box peering out over the highest shelf in the kitchen (the one I cannot reach without Walter's help). Was it?! Could it be?! I climbed upon the countertops, steadied myself, and reached up for th taunting box. Yes. You guessed it. THIN MINTS! To be honest I'm not sure if they are from this year or last, but they are 1/4 gone now and it's too late. Hah.
Oh well, it's too late and I'll just have to wake up tomorrow and start my diet again after getting a new jug of milk tonight. :) I'm getting back to serious. One slip up won't kill my plans!
Oh, and yes, you read right. Today- I am on a diet vacation.

It's Been Awhile...

2009-07-14T09:42:00.006-05:00

I know it's been awhile. Over two months now. But, I am not offically a houseWIFE. And I am feeling it. Ha. Now that the wedding has calmed down, it's all about de-weddingizing the house, and Thank You cards. Etiqutte says I should have all the thank you cards out by 2 weeks after I return from the honeymoon. That's was a week ago. I have about 30 written, but none mailed. Yikes! If you're out there, I appreciate the gift, and the card is coming!!! I'd really like to sit down and write, because there's so much going on, and so much I'd looooooooove to vent about... but Walter and I are making Tuesdays our "DO WORK" days. Haha. So I better get back to cleaning, and taking care of the dog, and writing thank you's, and a few other household projects we got going on. Thanks for being patient.

Typical Thursday

2009-05-14T09:11:00.004-05:00

Woke up at 5:20a.m. .... told Walter to hit snooze and slept in later than I should have til 5:30a.m.
Got out of bed (after much convincing), promised myself I'm going to start going to bed earlier for the thousandth time, and went downstairs.
Bathroom break. Teeth brush. Deodorant. Change pajamas.
Grab a Coke from the kitchen, along with my purse, keys, cell, planner, and a book.
Kissed Walter goodbye, and wished him a great day at work.
Got into car, back out of driveway and silently cursed at the clock on my dash.
Drove to work. Arrived 5 minutes late at 5:50a.m.
Knocked on the door of the Broadbent's and Jamie let me in. I said my "good mornings" to Jamie and Kristi and searched around the room for little Jesse. All the while hearing the low down on how Jesse's been feeling.
Jesse's still sick. Thought he would be able to go to school today, but now he's not. Dad's going to stay home today. I stay and help for a bit.
Get back in my car. Stomach growls. I'm thinking McDonald's breakfast. I look at the clock. 6:15a.m. I can get McDonald's and be home before Walter leaves for work.
"One hot cakes and sausage meal and two sausage mcmuffins, with a large orange juice, please"
Six dollars and same change spent.
Eat the surprise breakfast with my soon-t0-be hubby while watching The Nanny Diaries on/off.
It's 7:00a.m. and Walter has to leave. He hugs and kisses me bye a few times, but I still feel that low and painful pang when he leaves. I wonder when that will fade? I demand for three more "forehead kisses" before he leaves like a child. He smiles. Three forehead kisses are planted. An extra hug too.
I'm alone now. With the housewife tragedy... A big ol' empty house, packed with things to do.
I give myself another twenty minutes and watch the movie to a good part.
Pause.
"What to do first? Well obviously I have to facebook and blog, and then I'll start on the dishes. After dishes, it will be easier to clean off the kitchen countertops and such. I'll have to remember to grab the dishes from last night's meal in front of the TV with friends. I hate when I do the dishes and find more lying around! After that I should mop/sweep..."
I decide to call my best girl friend to see how things are going with her today. Wanted to see if she was free to go and pick up my dress.
She's busy too. What's a housewife to do. We make loose plans, and get off the phone.
Smoke break.
Take out Belle. Feed her and give her water. Check on Nooma.
Start piling up laundry to do today. Check my planner.
Call my mom and discuss wedding nonsense for awhile. Hang up. Get a call from the director at the Hilton. The chair covers we wanted are in. Great! Hang up. Get a call from our DJ wanting to meet with us next Saturday to discuss song list and to finish paperwork. We still owe him half a payment. Okay okay. Hang up. Begin to sweep in dining room.
Phone rings. Chat with Walter about bills that are needed to be paid today. 5 bills today, 1 tomorrow. Ameren, American Electronics, Ashley Furniture, Verizon, Express, and DirecTV.
$313.00 spent.
Smoke break.
Bring Belle inside.
Stomach starts to growl again. I think about the diet I'm supposed to be on, but then the stress and the laziness of today set in. I'm craving pizza baaad. Almost two weeks without a pizza sneak up on me (I know this sounds crazy, but bear with me...). I decide to order the pizza. "Walter can eat the leftovers for dinner because I probably won't be here tonight." Good excuse, Jenny! Then I remember how I have to go to my dress fitting tonight at 7. Bad idea. Then I think, "Well, in an hour or two I have to go over to my mom's to clean her house (a way of paying off my $700 debt to her), and if I have to cook then that will give me less time to clean my house. So, I should order the pizza, thus giving more time to clean my own home." Yay! Fat and Lazy Jenny wins again!
I order the pizza. "papajohns.com... no no no. Imo's! imos.com... damn banking site! I forget that every time! imospizza.com... see menu. call Imos (saved in my phone... a true fat-kid tell-all) delivery.large, sausage, green peppers. cash."
"Now, time to get cleaning!"
11:00a.m.
"I have to leave for my mom's at about noon, so maybe I'll just throw a load in before I go and do dishes tonight... I'll have more dishes to do anyways when my pizza gets here, so I should just wait. Let's see... what should I do? I'll collect the dishes around the house and throw in the first load of laundry. Then I'll chill and much on my pizza. Shower, change, and get ready to go."

"I can always houseclean tomorrow".

phone call

2009-05-13T14:48:00.005-05:00

So today while I was sitting at home doing a million weddingrama things, our home phone rings.

Now, here is the point where I must give you some backround. Walter and I thought it was smart to have a home phone to save money, and begin giving that phone number out vs our cell phones (because let's face it, sometime being able to be reached at any moment, on any day sucks). Unfortunately, we must have got a phone number that once belonged to a man named... we'll say Steve... and Steve obviously did NOT like to pay his bills... and didn't... for a very long time. So when we're not getting pay-us-now-or-we-will-throw-a-bomb-at-your-house phone calls, our house in consumed with the ringing of machines telling us that if we can't afford our house mortage and that if we're thinking of forclosure that they could help. Great. No thanks. The end, right? Wrong. Three months later, and we still get about 10 of those calls a day. No joke.

Anyways, so my phone rings today, and I look at my caller ID. It is a phone number. Good sign. It doesn't say "SERVICEMESSAGE", "CUSTOMERSERVE", "PRIVATENAME", "TOLLFREECALL", or "CALLERUNKNOWN". Another really good sign. It also doesn't say it's coming from another state. Third good sign, it makes a winner.

So I answer.

"Who is this?!" a man says roughly.

"What?!" I am shocked (and a little stupid I guess)>

"WHO... IS... THIS?!!" the man says lounder and slower (I'm guessing he guessed the latter reason on why I asked).

"Sir, I'm sorry, but YOU'RE not going to call ME and demand who this is." I'm done with the games.

"Well b****, your phone number was on my phone today and I was in mother f***ing class and I know I didn't call it so you don't need to be getting an attitude with me! I was in school!" This man continues to inform me he was in school about 5 times throughout our 5 minute conversation. Making momma and daddy proud, I'm sure.

"Well, (I repeat, being more of a pain) I didn't call you."

"I didn't say you called me! I said someone on my phone called you!"

*silence*

"I have no idea who would have called me from you phone. I've been home today and I haven't had anyone call me on this number today." I'm tempted to hang up now.

"B**** don't you lie! You called me!"

... and now I'm just plain confused.

"Sir, I promise it won't happen again.... because I'm sure I wouldn't associate myself with anyone who would even associate with you. Have a good day in school. Bye."

Being "Just" a Part-Time Mom

2009-05-09T10:51:00.004-05:00

I thought I would start off my next blog explaining a bit of what I do. I am a nanny for many families. What does this mean? This means that my job is never the same. I spend my days boo-boo kissing and hearing about school plays; I spend my time looking for fluffy the stuffed animal we cannot sleep without. I color in coloring books, I teach how to write our names. I drive great distances for a few hours of work, and most of the time am looked down upon. "Oh, you're 22 years old and just a nanny?" I sometimes only work 20 hours a week, when other times I feel like I live in 5 different places because I'm working 60 hours a week in different homes. I get paid minimal, and forget health insurance or any kind of "benefit package" (haha!). I have found my own benefits for this "job" that is just plain love.

Walter calls me a part-time Mommy and I think this is almost fair to say. If you've met me, you'd know that I have a brag book full of children who I spend hours and hours with a week. I know their fears, and the food that always cheers them up. I know what teachers they dislike, and I know not only their friends' names, but I know exactlty why each of them were chosen to be a friend. I have a carseat in the back of my car, am sure to purchase my cell phone protection plan every month (cell phones make noise, are shiny, and are usually just for "adults". What a simple, yet special treat! A child favorite!) and make sure the my gps is up to date just in case you'll need to me to take the to grandma's or the park or the grocery store later.

It's the best job ever. I love spending time with "my kids" all day long...
but sometimes, like every job, this job can really break your heart.

No one pays attention to the nanny. Who cares? She's just coming over to watch Bob and Sue for a few hours and whatnot. Blah. Whatever.

You have no idea what I see in people's houses or the shape they are sometimes in. I've seen children be severly underweight, and seriously overweight. I've heard horror stories of what "Mommy and Daddy told..." their children while being angry. I don't expect to be a perfect parent either. I know I'll never get it 100% right, but I know this is the best job that I can learn from for my someday family.

Off track

2009-05-08T16:42:00.005-05:00

I've had some time to myself today to sit here and ask myself some seriously deep questions today, and although I'm out and feeling pretty down, I'm glad I did.

My confession is I have been caught up in the world of busyness! Which is something awful to realize. Sin is sin is sin... but when there's idolatry in your life you're putting a PERSON before God... and today I've realized I've put my TO DO LIST before God. Equal sins, but doesn't the latter seem so much more worthless and pitiful? But it's true.

I was never very popular in high school. Actually to be honest, I wasn't very popular in high school for the things that mattered. I wasn't most likely to succeed... I was the girl who got kicked out because she came to school wasted. I wasn't the girl with the best personality or the best attitude... I was the girl who slept around. Thank God (literally) that all His work He had been doing in my life finally crashed upon me when I was 19 years old. Anyways, so because of my infamous-ness, I think as I got older I started to create these never-ending to do lists. It made me feel important. I loved having no spare spaces in my planner (and when I say lovED, I'm meaning yesterday), because I felt needed.

But then I came to realize today that I have filled my life with lists and to do's with meaningless, money-grabbing, heart-aching, making my like stagnant decisions and plans. I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of chasing after money and things, instead of God's heart.
I'm tired of lusting after a pair of shoes at the mall, instead of taking REAL time to love my fiance.
I'm tired of building mounting credit card debt, instead of a growing relationship with my Heavenly Dad.
I'm tired of feeling satisfied and in control when I check off a minimal to do instead of feeling not in control, and enjoying it because I know He's got me.
I'm tired of the "what do you want to do tonight?" and the "oh, i don't know"s and then the plain nothing getting done, when life is tick tock-ing by.
I'm tired of spending time with people that belittle me or cause me to feel down about myself, instead of people that will just love me for...

...who I am.

I want to change these things.

Has anyone ever felt that way? That somewhere down the road they got off track with God and were too busy to look back and figure it out? That you feel tricked that Satan kept you busying working to buy stuff... and then made you work harder and longer because he then had you convinced that you needed stuff to put your stuff in (and so on)?! Satan is tricky. It's just a small step away from God, and then just on more little scoot, and then another small step, and the next thing you're making leaps and bounds in the wrong direction without knowing or even thinking about it!

When Walter and I met, we were on fire. Didn't miss a church service. Our first "date" was actually painting for my stage design team, and no one else showed up. So Walter and I sat there and did a 15 person job. Haha. It took us hours and hours (I think 6 or 7 actually) but we ENJOYED doing it. Now, we can barely convince ourselves to get up on go to service. I have been told that all Satan needs is a crack in the door. A small tiny crack of a sin deeply rooted in your life, and he can take over. Oh, how true that is.

But, at the moment, living together seemed like our only choice... and then of course we had to work more hours to pay for our new house... and then oh my gosh did we NEED that new kitchen table... and new couch... and big screen TV!... so then we had to work more... and get credit cards... and fight over who was in charge of paying those credit cards... we started screaming... I for sure wasn't going to listen, and neither was he... so we made our home a war zone instead of a HOME... and now I'm at that point wondering where it started and where it came from that typical "how did it go this far?!" feeling. Walter and I are stretched thin, the thinnest we have probably ever been, and we're getting married in 30something days.

Reminds me of the Lifehouse skit video. It was just one small step, and another that seemed like no big deal, and before you know it you forget how much God loves you, and you just want to end it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

God, I want you in my life. I want to be in your word. I have fallen further and further away.
Bring me back to our secret and safe place we had together.

The Beginning of a Beginning

2009-05-08T14:31:00.003-05:00

I've been reading a few friend's blogs (okay, well "friends" is a stretch. sometimes i just see someone on facebook add a blog, and I just begin to read... anyways!) and I decided it might be a good idea to finally start one of my own. I feel like one of those people that kept holding out on getting a fb account, but then to gave in. However, since I already have plenty of "time wasters" (like facebook) in my life, I figure if I could start a blog and be dedicated to it that it may be the better of the two evils. At this at least I'll be getting out my feelings at time and not be a jumbled mess by the time my fiance comes home. I'm not sure if anyone will read it. I'm not sure if anyone will care. I not sure if I care. I just thought I'd give it a try.

I named this "Confessions of a Housewife" because that's what I do. And, it wan't until recently while talking with a friend that I realize a lot more goes on behind a houseiwfe's smiley face than sometimes she leads on. I was so thrilled to see that it wasn't just me. (You know who you are, and thanks.)

This blog will be full of wedding nonsense, housewife home-fixer "ideas", and myself just trying to learn some new ideas without having to pay to go to school. So, if you are reading this, please follow me through my trial and error of blogging, becoming someone's wife, and hopefully someday a mother.

Please feel free to add some of your own ideas along the way.