Woke up at 5:20a.m. .... told Walter to hit snooze and slept in later than I should have til 5:30a.m.
Got out of bed (after much convincing), promised myself I'm going to start going to bed earlier for the thousandth time, and went downstairs.
Bathroom break. Teeth brush. Deodorant. Change pajamas.
Grab a Coke from the kitchen, along with my purse, keys, cell, planner, and a book.
Kissed Walter goodbye, and wished him a great day at work.
Got into car, back out of driveway and silently cursed at the clock on my dash.
Drove to work. Arrived 5 minutes late at 5:50a.m.
Knocked on the door of the Broadbent's and Jamie let me in. I said my "good mornings" to Jamie and Kristi and searched around the room for little Jesse. All the while hearing the low down on how Jesse's been feeling.
Jesse's still sick. Thought he would be able to go to school today, but now he's not. Dad's going to stay home today. I stay and help for a bit.
Get back in my car. Stomach growls. I'm thinking McDonald's breakfast. I look at the clock. 6:15a.m. I can get McDonald's and be home before Walter leaves for work.
"One hot cakes and sausage meal and two sausage mcmuffins, with a large orange juice, please"
Six dollars and same change spent.
Eat the surprise breakfast with my soon-t0-be hubby while watching The Nanny Diaries on/off.
It's 7:00a.m. and Walter has to leave. He hugs and kisses me bye a few times, but I still feel that low and painful pang when he leaves. I wonder when that will fade? I demand for three more "forehead kisses" before he leaves like a child. He smiles. Three forehead kisses are planted. An extra hug too.
I'm alone now. With the housewife tragedy... A big ol' empty house, packed with things to do.
I give myself another twenty minutes and watch the movie to a good part.
Pause.
"What to do first? Well obviously I have to facebook and blog, and then I'll start on the dishes. After dishes, it will be easier to clean off the kitchen countertops and such. I'll have to remember to grab the dishes from last night's meal in front of the TV with friends. I hate when I do the dishes and find more lying around! After that I should mop/sweep..."
I decide to call my best girl friend to see how things are going with her today. Wanted to see if she was free to go and pick up my dress.
She's busy too. What's a housewife to do. We make loose plans, and get off the phone.
Smoke break.
Take out Belle. Feed her and give her water. Check on Nooma.
Start piling up laundry to do today. Check my planner.
Call my mom and discuss wedding nonsense for awhile. Hang up. Get a call from the director at the Hilton. The chair covers we wanted are in. Great! Hang up. Get a call from our DJ wanting to meet with us next Saturday to discuss song list and to finish paperwork. We still owe him half a payment. Okay okay. Hang up. Begin to sweep in dining room.
Phone rings. Chat with Walter about bills that are needed to be paid today. 5 bills today, 1 tomorrow. Ameren, American Electronics, Ashley Furniture, Verizon, Express, and DirecTV.
$313.00 spent.
Smoke break.
Bring Belle inside.
Stomach starts to growl again. I think about the diet I'm supposed to be on, but then the stress and the laziness of today set in. I'm craving pizza baaad. Almost two weeks without a pizza sneak up on me (I know this sounds crazy, but bear with me...). I decide to order the pizza. "Walter can eat the leftovers for dinner because I probably won't be here tonight." Good excuse, Jenny! Then I remember how I have to go to my dress fitting tonight at 7. Bad idea. Then I think, "Well, in an hour or two I have to go over to my mom's to clean her house (a way of paying off my $700 debt to her), and if I have to cook then that will give me less time to clean my house. So, I should order the pizza, thus giving more time to clean my own home." Yay! Fat and Lazy Jenny wins again!
I order the pizza. "papajohns.com... no no no. Imo's! imos.com... damn banking site! I forget that every time! imospizza.com... see menu. call Imos (saved in my phone... a true fat-kid tell-all) delivery.large, sausage, green peppers. cash."
"Now, time to get cleaning!"
11:00a.m.
"I have to leave for my mom's at about noon, so maybe I'll just throw a load in before I go and do dishes tonight... I'll have more dishes to do anyways when my pizza gets here, so I should just wait. Let's see... what should I do? I'll collect the dishes around the house and throw in the first load of laundry. Then I'll chill and much on my pizza. Shower, change, and get ready to go."
"I can always houseclean tomorrow".
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
phone call
So today while I was sitting at home doing a million weddingrama things, our home phone rings.
Now, here is the point where I must give you some backround. Walter and I thought it was smart to have a home phone to save money, and begin giving that phone number out vs our cell phones (because let's face it, sometime being able to be reached at any moment, on any day sucks). Unfortunately, we must have got a phone number that once belonged to a man named... we'll say Steve... and Steve obviously did NOT like to pay his bills... and didn't... for a very long time. So when we're not getting pay-us-now-or-we-will-throw-a-bomb-at-your-house phone calls, our house in consumed with the ringing of machines telling us that if we can't afford our house mortage and that if we're thinking of forclosure that they could help. Great. No thanks. The end, right? Wrong. Three months later, and we still get about 10 of those calls a day. No joke.
Anyways, so my phone rings today, and I look at my caller ID. It is a phone number. Good sign. It doesn't say "SERVICEMESSAGE", "CUSTOMERSERVE", "PRIVATENAME", "TOLLFREECALL", or "CALLERUNKNOWN". Another really good sign. It also doesn't say it's coming from another state. Third good sign, it makes a winner.
So I answer.
"Who is this?!" a man says roughly.
"What?!" I am shocked (and a little stupid I guess)>
"WHO... IS... THIS?!!" the man says lounder and slower (I'm guessing he guessed the latter reason on why I asked).
"Sir, I'm sorry, but YOU'RE not going to call ME and demand who this is." I'm done with the games.
"Well b****, your phone number was on my phone today and I was in mother f***ing class and I know I didn't call it so you don't need to be getting an attitude with me! I was in school!" This man continues to inform me he was in school about 5 times throughout our 5 minute conversation. Making momma and daddy proud, I'm sure.
"Well, (I repeat, being more of a pain) I didn't call you."
"I didn't say you called me! I said someone on my phone called you!"
*silence*
"I have no idea who would have called me from you phone. I've been home today and I haven't had anyone call me on this number today." I'm tempted to hang up now.
"B**** don't you lie! You called me!"
... and now I'm just plain confused.
"Sir, I promise it won't happen again.... because I'm sure I wouldn't associate myself with anyone who would even associate with you. Have a good day in school. Bye."
Now, here is the point where I must give you some backround. Walter and I thought it was smart to have a home phone to save money, and begin giving that phone number out vs our cell phones (because let's face it, sometime being able to be reached at any moment, on any day sucks). Unfortunately, we must have got a phone number that once belonged to a man named... we'll say Steve... and Steve obviously did NOT like to pay his bills... and didn't... for a very long time. So when we're not getting pay-us-now-or-we-will-throw-a-bomb-at-your-house phone calls, our house in consumed with the ringing of machines telling us that if we can't afford our house mortage and that if we're thinking of forclosure that they could help. Great. No thanks. The end, right? Wrong. Three months later, and we still get about 10 of those calls a day. No joke.
Anyways, so my phone rings today, and I look at my caller ID. It is a phone number. Good sign. It doesn't say "SERVICEMESSAGE", "CUSTOMERSERVE", "PRIVATENAME", "TOLLFREECALL", or "CALLERUNKNOWN". Another really good sign. It also doesn't say it's coming from another state. Third good sign, it makes a winner.
So I answer.
"Who is this?!" a man says roughly.
"What?!" I am shocked (and a little stupid I guess)>
"WHO... IS... THIS?!!" the man says lounder and slower (I'm guessing he guessed the latter reason on why I asked).
"Sir, I'm sorry, but YOU'RE not going to call ME and demand who this is." I'm done with the games.
"Well b****, your phone number was on my phone today and I was in mother f***ing class and I know I didn't call it so you don't need to be getting an attitude with me! I was in school!" This man continues to inform me he was in school about 5 times throughout our 5 minute conversation. Making momma and daddy proud, I'm sure.
"Well, (I repeat, being more of a pain) I didn't call you."
"I didn't say you called me! I said someone on my phone called you!"
*silence*
"I have no idea who would have called me from you phone. I've been home today and I haven't had anyone call me on this number today." I'm tempted to hang up now.
"B**** don't you lie! You called me!"
... and now I'm just plain confused.
"Sir, I promise it won't happen again.... because I'm sure I wouldn't associate myself with anyone who would even associate with you. Have a good day in school. Bye."
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Being "Just" a Part-Time Mom
I thought I would start off my next blog explaining a bit of what I do. I am a nanny for many families. What does this mean? This means that my job is never the same. I spend my days boo-boo kissing and hearing about school plays; I spend my time looking for fluffy the stuffed animal we cannot sleep without. I color in coloring books, I teach how to write our names. I drive great distances for a few hours of work, and most of the time am looked down upon. "Oh, you're 22 years old and just a nanny?" I sometimes only work 20 hours a week, when other times I feel like I live in 5 different places because I'm working 60 hours a week in different homes. I get paid minimal, and forget health insurance or any kind of "benefit package" (haha!). I have found my own benefits for this "job" that is just plain love.
Walter calls me a part-time Mommy and I think this is almost fair to say. If you've met me, you'd know that I have a brag book full of children who I spend hours and hours with a week. I know their fears, and the food that always cheers them up. I know what teachers they dislike, and I know not only their friends' names, but I know exactlty why each of them were chosen to be a friend. I have a carseat in the back of my car, am sure to purchase my cell phone protection plan every month (cell phones make noise, are shiny, and are usually just for "adults". What a simple, yet special treat! A child favorite!) and make sure the my gps is up to date just in case you'll need to me to take the to grandma's or the park or the grocery store later.
It's the best job ever. I love spending time with "my kids" all day long...
but sometimes, like every job, this job can really break your heart.
No one pays attention to the nanny. Who cares? She's just coming over to watch Bob and Sue for a few hours and whatnot. Blah. Whatever.
You have no idea what I see in people's houses or the shape they are sometimes in. I've seen children be severly underweight, and seriously overweight. I've heard horror stories of what "Mommy and Daddy told..." their children while being angry. I don't expect to be a perfect parent either. I know I'll never get it 100% right, but I know this is the best job that I can learn from for my someday family.
Walter calls me a part-time Mommy and I think this is almost fair to say. If you've met me, you'd know that I have a brag book full of children who I spend hours and hours with a week. I know their fears, and the food that always cheers them up. I know what teachers they dislike, and I know not only their friends' names, but I know exactlty why each of them were chosen to be a friend. I have a carseat in the back of my car, am sure to purchase my cell phone protection plan every month (cell phones make noise, are shiny, and are usually just for "adults". What a simple, yet special treat! A child favorite!) and make sure the my gps is up to date just in case you'll need to me to take the to grandma's or the park or the grocery store later.
It's the best job ever. I love spending time with "my kids" all day long...
but sometimes, like every job, this job can really break your heart.
No one pays attention to the nanny. Who cares? She's just coming over to watch Bob and Sue for a few hours and whatnot. Blah. Whatever.
You have no idea what I see in people's houses or the shape they are sometimes in. I've seen children be severly underweight, and seriously overweight. I've heard horror stories of what "Mommy and Daddy told..." their children while being angry. I don't expect to be a perfect parent either. I know I'll never get it 100% right, but I know this is the best job that I can learn from for my someday family.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Off track
I've had some time to myself today to sit here and ask myself some seriously deep questions today, and although I'm out and feeling pretty down, I'm glad I did.
My confession is I have been caught up in the world of busyness! Which is something awful to realize. Sin is sin is sin... but when there's idolatry in your life you're putting a PERSON before God... and today I've realized I've put my TO DO LIST before God. Equal sins, but doesn't the latter seem so much more worthless and pitiful? But it's true.
I was never very popular in high school. Actually to be honest, I wasn't very popular in high school for the things that mattered. I wasn't most likely to succeed... I was the girl who got kicked out because she came to school wasted. I wasn't the girl with the best personality or the best attitude... I was the girl who slept around. Thank God (literally) that all His work He had been doing in my life finally crashed upon me when I was 19 years old. Anyways, so because of my infamous-ness, I think as I got older I started to create these never-ending to do lists. It made me feel important. I loved having no spare spaces in my planner (and when I say lovED, I'm meaning yesterday), because I felt needed.
But then I came to realize today that I have filled my life with lists and to do's with meaningless, money-grabbing, heart-aching, making my like stagnant decisions and plans. I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of chasing after money and things, instead of God's heart.
I'm tired of lusting after a pair of shoes at the mall, instead of taking REAL time to love my fiance.
I'm tired of building mounting credit card debt, instead of a growing relationship with my Heavenly Dad.
I'm tired of feeling satisfied and in control when I check off a minimal to do instead of feeling not in control, and enjoying it because I know He's got me.
I'm tired of the "what do you want to do tonight?" and the "oh, i don't know"s and then the plain nothing getting done, when life is tick tock-ing by.
I'm tired of spending time with people that belittle me or cause me to feel down about myself, instead of people that will just love me for...
I want to change these things.
Has anyone ever felt that way? That somewhere down the road they got off track with God and were too busy to look back and figure it out? That you feel tricked that Satan kept you busying working to buy stuff... and then made you work harder and longer because he then had you convinced that you needed stuff to put your stuff in (and so on)?! Satan is tricky. It's just a small step away from God, and then just on more little scoot, and then another small step, and the next thing you're making leaps and bounds in the wrong direction without knowing or even thinking about it!
When Walter and I met, we were on fire. Didn't miss a church service. Our first "date" was actually painting for my stage design team, and no one else showed up. So Walter and I sat there and did a 15 person job. Haha. It took us hours and hours (I think 6 or 7 actually) but we ENJOYED doing it. Now, we can barely convince ourselves to get up on go to service. I have been told that all Satan needs is a crack in the door. A small tiny crack of a sin deeply rooted in your life, and he can take over. Oh, how true that is.
But, at the moment, living together seemed like our only choice... and then of course we had to work more hours to pay for our new house... and then oh my gosh did we NEED that new kitchen table... and new couch... and big screen TV!... so then we had to work more... and get credit cards... and fight over who was in charge of paying those credit cards... we started screaming... I for sure wasn't going to listen, and neither was he... so we made our home a war zone instead of a HOME... and now I'm at that point wondering where it started and where it came from that typical "how did it go this far?!" feeling. Walter and I are stretched thin, the thinnest we have probably ever been, and we're getting married in 30something days.
Reminds me of the Lifehouse skit video. It was just one small step, and another that seemed like no big deal, and before you know it you forget how much God loves you, and you just want to end it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
God, I want you in my life. I want to be in your word. I have fallen further and further away.
Bring me back to our secret and safe place we had together.
My confession is I have been caught up in the world of busyness! Which is something awful to realize. Sin is sin is sin... but when there's idolatry in your life you're putting a PERSON before God... and today I've realized I've put my TO DO LIST before God. Equal sins, but doesn't the latter seem so much more worthless and pitiful? But it's true.
I was never very popular in high school. Actually to be honest, I wasn't very popular in high school for the things that mattered. I wasn't most likely to succeed... I was the girl who got kicked out because she came to school wasted. I wasn't the girl with the best personality or the best attitude... I was the girl who slept around. Thank God (literally) that all His work He had been doing in my life finally crashed upon me when I was 19 years old. Anyways, so because of my infamous-ness, I think as I got older I started to create these never-ending to do lists. It made me feel important. I loved having no spare spaces in my planner (and when I say lovED, I'm meaning yesterday), because I felt needed.
But then I came to realize today that I have filled my life with lists and to do's with meaningless, money-grabbing, heart-aching, making my like stagnant decisions and plans. I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of chasing after money and things, instead of God's heart.
I'm tired of lusting after a pair of shoes at the mall, instead of taking REAL time to love my fiance.
I'm tired of building mounting credit card debt, instead of a growing relationship with my Heavenly Dad.
I'm tired of feeling satisfied and in control when I check off a minimal to do instead of feeling not in control, and enjoying it because I know He's got me.
I'm tired of the "what do you want to do tonight?" and the "oh, i don't know"s and then the plain nothing getting done, when life is tick tock-ing by.
I'm tired of spending time with people that belittle me or cause me to feel down about myself, instead of people that will just love me for...
...who I am.
I want to change these things.
Has anyone ever felt that way? That somewhere down the road they got off track with God and were too busy to look back and figure it out? That you feel tricked that Satan kept you busying working to buy stuff... and then made you work harder and longer because he then had you convinced that you needed stuff to put your stuff in (and so on)?! Satan is tricky. It's just a small step away from God, and then just on more little scoot, and then another small step, and the next thing you're making leaps and bounds in the wrong direction without knowing or even thinking about it!
When Walter and I met, we were on fire. Didn't miss a church service. Our first "date" was actually painting for my stage design team, and no one else showed up. So Walter and I sat there and did a 15 person job. Haha. It took us hours and hours (I think 6 or 7 actually) but we ENJOYED doing it. Now, we can barely convince ourselves to get up on go to service. I have been told that all Satan needs is a crack in the door. A small tiny crack of a sin deeply rooted in your life, and he can take over. Oh, how true that is.
But, at the moment, living together seemed like our only choice... and then of course we had to work more hours to pay for our new house... and then oh my gosh did we NEED that new kitchen table... and new couch... and big screen TV!... so then we had to work more... and get credit cards... and fight over who was in charge of paying those credit cards... we started screaming... I for sure wasn't going to listen, and neither was he... so we made our home a war zone instead of a HOME... and now I'm at that point wondering where it started and where it came from that typical "how did it go this far?!" feeling. Walter and I are stretched thin, the thinnest we have probably ever been, and we're getting married in 30something days.
Reminds me of the Lifehouse skit video. It was just one small step, and another that seemed like no big deal, and before you know it you forget how much God loves you, and you just want to end it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
God, I want you in my life. I want to be in your word. I have fallen further and further away.
Bring me back to our secret and safe place we had together.
The Beginning of a Beginning
I've been reading a few friend's blogs (okay, well "friends" is a stretch. sometimes i just see someone on facebook add a blog, and I just begin to read... anyways!) and I decided it might be a good idea to finally start one of my own. I feel like one of those people that kept holding out on getting a fb account, but then to gave in. However, since I already have plenty of "time wasters" (like facebook) in my life, I figure if I could start a blog and be dedicated to it that it may be the better of the two evils. At this at least I'll be getting out my feelings at time and not be a jumbled mess by the time my fiance comes home. I'm not sure if anyone will read it. I'm not sure if anyone will care. I not sure if I care. I just thought I'd give it a try.
I named this "Confessions of a Housewife" because that's what I do. And, it wan't until recently while talking with a friend that I realize a lot more goes on behind a houseiwfe's smiley face than sometimes she leads on. I was so thrilled to see that it wasn't just me. (You know who you are, and thanks.)
This blog will be full of wedding nonsense, housewife home-fixer "ideas", and myself just trying to learn some new ideas without having to pay to go to school. So, if you are reading this, please follow me through my trial and error of blogging, becoming someone's wife, and hopefully someday a mother.
Please feel free to add some of your own ideas along the way.
I named this "Confessions of a Housewife" because that's what I do. And, it wan't until recently while talking with a friend that I realize a lot more goes on behind a houseiwfe's smiley face than sometimes she leads on. I was so thrilled to see that it wasn't just me. (You know who you are, and thanks.)
This blog will be full of wedding nonsense, housewife home-fixer "ideas", and myself just trying to learn some new ideas without having to pay to go to school. So, if you are reading this, please follow me through my trial and error of blogging, becoming someone's wife, and hopefully someday a mother.
Please feel free to add some of your own ideas along the way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
